mY_miLeStoNes...

sponge

2010-08-03T23:10:00.001+08:00

absorb all you can
just to release it all when others need them

Sometimes when we touch

2010-07-21T11:52:00.000+08:00

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

the pursuit for wealth

2010-07-12T19:25:00.004+08:00

the pursuit for wealth

the ability to pamper a friend when she's down
the ability to give without thinking twice
the ability to cancel your best friend's debts
the ability to take the bill and say, "dinner's on me"
the ability to tell someone, "you have money, cause you have me"
the ability to pamper YOURSELF when you are down

yes, money isn't everything
but it does have the ability to solve problems, to bring temporary joy, to make someone's day

what is life?

2010-06-29T00:41:00.001+08:00

too difficult to figure out, too complicated?

just make it simple,
i think i've found it.

life~~!

inconvenient others

2010-06-19T12:05:00.002+08:00

i just inconvenient someone this morning, zequan. he just touched down in the airport 2 days ago, and i text him. "will you and your car be free this weekend?" and so, just now he helped me move my keyboard and books and all the other rubbish *backspace* things i have...

our conversation:
zq: where are all your other friends? i can't be your only friend who has a car, rite?
me: i have no other friends..
*laughs*
zq: must be you treat them like how you treat me, so they don't reply your messages
me: i can't ask not-so-good-friends, rite?

the truth is, we all have a long list of people whom we meet in our lives, a long list of names in our phone book..
but out of all these people, who are those whom you do not need to think twice before you inconvenient them..
i guess these are people you're most comfortable with, your true friends..

some of the people whom i inconvenient often, are not even people whom i hang out often with. how ironic! maybe it's time to rearranged my priorities to give my time to them who matters most.

the issue lies in this fast paced life, where you constantly change environment. you change job, you change ministry, you meet new people, and you need to join in their outings to blend in. it's difficult to choose between hanging out with your new colleagues or with your old friends whom you've not met for months. Yes, you meet your new colleagues every day. But to fit into the culture and feel comfortable in a place you need to go to every day, it just seems like you have to forgo the meetup with your old friends. you think you can catch up with your old friends as soon as you are comfortable at your workplace, BUT just to realise, you are changing job again and fitting into the new environment again and the cycle repeats itself. but ultimately, when you are in need, you pick up your phone and you call those whom you've not met for long, those old friends. and they will be the ones who'll lend you a shoulder to cry on, always there, just a phone call away.

what happened? did your priorities just went all wrong? i mean.. did MY priorities just went all wrong?

the truth

2010-06-17T20:23:00.002+08:00

we all live in a complicated place,
make complicated decisions,
half the time guessing what others are thinking of,
what is their next step.

we make assumptions
we guess
and we make decisions
based on an imagined future

if only we know the truth
and then we can stop guessing
complicated decisions will be made simple
when it is all laid out

and the truth shall set you free
from feelings of uncertainty
from the torture of guessing
from predicting the future

in His perfect timing

2010-06-14T19:02:00.005+08:00

when the time is right, the magical door will open automatically,
and then it's up to you,
to walk through the door and explore the possibilities, or
to stay put and enjoy the comfort.

the dream door that refuses to open no matter how hard i try,
but now, there's an open door that will eventually lead to the dream door i've always been waiting for..

it has all been planned, isn't it? even the previous door that leads to this open door.

i was choosing between stubbornly prying open the dream door or walking through the previous door. i chose to walk through the previous door and 'tada!', seems like it is leading to the dream door.

-in His perfect timing-

the energy

2010-06-13T13:52:00.003+08:00

John: When I look at the freshgraduates in my company, it reminds me of the energy that I had when I just started. I wish I still have that.
Me: What is it about the energy?
John: Their motivation, their passion, their drive..
Yee: To climb the ladder?
John: Yeah.. Something like that.
Me: But you are already there.
*laughs*

I met up with John, my cousin during TBB Descendent's Big Gathering. I haven't met him for what.. 10 years?? he's a CFO of an MNC (that explains 'but you are already there').

Perhaps the challenge is not merely getting there. The challenge is keeping your passion, purpose and drive. The challenge is the ability to wake up every morning looking forward to work, looking forward to life.

irobot

2010-06-09T22:56:00.002+08:00

we ladies are just too emotional, too irrational..
but it just seem wrong to control your emotions too much
seems inhumane
feels like you're building a wall, a thick, thick wall to protect yourself.

doesn't it?

money & comfort

2010-06-07T20:38:00.004+08:00

I grew up thinking that you need to earn $20k a month to live comfortably, not luxuriously.
I thought this was precisely it. Others may not think this way, may not work towards it, but i will.

I just had a fantastic Tan family reunion last weekend.
Once again I met my auntie and uncle from aussie, I visited the places they were born, the first factory of my great grandfather, Tan Boon Bak.

As we were chit chatting, my auntie said something that really shocked me,
"Grandfather said, you don't need a lot of money to live a comfortable life."
My goodness, it struck me like revelation. This is the last thing I am expecting to hear from the very successful man.

Well, I think one of the happiest people I've ever met is my auntie and uncle from aussie. They gave up their extremely luxurious lifestyle in Ipoh and emigrate to Australia. They live off my uncle's salary and they seem like the most fulfilled and blessed couple in the world.

Too practical. Am I too practical a person?

the next evolution

2010-05-22T12:45:00.002+08:00

I love the way C.S. Lewis puts it:

Already the new new men are dotted here and there all over the earth. Some, as I have admitted, are still hardly recognisable: but others can be recognised. Every now and then one meets them. Their very voices and faces are different from ours: stronger, quieter, happier, more radiant. They begin where most of us leave off. They are, I say, recognisable; but you must know what to look for. They will not be very like the idea of 'religious people' which you have formed from your general reading. They do not draw attention to themselves. You tend to think that you are being kind to them when they are really being kind to you. They love you more than other men do, but they need you less. They will usually seem to have a lot of time: you will wonder where it comes from. When you have recognised one of them, you will recognise the next one much more easily. And I strongly suspect that they recognise one another immediately and infallibly, across every barrier of colour, sex, class, age, and even of creeds. In that way, to become holy is rather like joining a secret society. To put it at the very lowest, it must be great fun.

Family

2010-05-16T16:01:00.002+08:00

Family is a place where we seek shelter...

from the storms of life
from changes
from failures
from criticisms

a place where we receive support and love and encouragement...

nowadays, it's simply normal to send your children overseas at a young age, or to send them to boarding school. in the name of a better future, better opportunities... whatever.. rubbish! cos all children needs a home no matter how independent they seem. they just need a place to go back to when they fail, when they get into trouble, when they are heartbroken. where else can they turn to? well, but to begin with, the family must be like a home.

home is where i hide, when i'm all confused and lost..
you know something's wrong, when i'm going home every other weekend..

hmmm.. maybe not,
if i have the money, i'll fly home every weekend. :D
cos, that's where i'm being treated like a princess. :P

grateful

2010-05-15T12:28:00.003+08:00

during cell group, there's a time for us to share our testimonies (if we have any)
and every friday before i go for cell group, i'll crack my head and think if i have any to share,
and to my surprise there's always something to share,
even without me having to crack my head too much

thank God for financial blessings
thank God for career progress
thank God for restoring relationships with people
thank God for His Word
thank God for giving me joy
thank God for giving me a sense of security

just yesterday,
i thank God that I will have a chance to move over to Prudential for the remainder period of my contract till end Sept, and do 'real' Actuarial work

and I thank God that our siblings discontentment saga has ended. all the misunderstandings are all solved. plus the generation gap between kor and lil li has been bridged. seriously.. phew..

and I thank God that aan yee che che has finally decided to help out in the cafe again. and mummy has found a great supervisor in ipoh and an ex kitchen staff is back to work. after all my prayers that mummy will get good staff. heee..

well, once again when it all falls into place, even better than the one that happened last year. WOW~! God, You did it again!

THANK YOU~ MUAX~!

history2

2010-05-13T21:01:00.002+08:00

after being through all that, isn't it natural to have big dreams? for you realise that it is possible. it is not that difficult. and you have been there.

well, and you get constant reminders, just by looking at the way the people around you live,
because when you were there, you made friends who were like you, living a luxurious life,

what more, you go to a faraway land for mission trip..
and when it was a local bringing 2 of us out..
it had to be the wife of the vice-captain of a country club who takes you out for lunch
there at the country club, lots of yacht were parked there
and all the workers know who she is
doesn't that remind you of the times when your dad is the captain of golf club and everyone knows you?

how coincidental, eh? well, it is not coincidence!

memories reloaded

11th May

2010-05-11T23:22:00.001+08:00

It's papa's birthday

i've been dreaming of him recently.
i dreamnt of him with his friends at kor's wedding day.

well...
happy earth birthday

rat race

2010-05-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

the mere observation of the crowd as i exit the mrt at tanjong pagar makes me wonder...
we all do look like rats..
the term 'rat race' is indeed an accurate illustration..

these are all working professionals
what are they working for
when they still DON'T OWN a car now
and squeeze with fresh grads like me in the mrt

eh?

history

2010-05-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

your past does affect your goals in life, doesn't it?
but it's a choice: negative or positive

what happens when you are born with a silver spoon
you were chauffeured around
you had one of the most beautiful house in town
you eat bird nest as dessert
your dad is the captain of a golf club
the sultan's wife celebrated her bday in your house
you fly first class

eh?

to be continued...

independent

2010-04-29T09:02:00.002+08:00

"being independent is a choice"

but will one choose to be independent if there is really a choice?

balance is the key

2010-04-14T09:05:00.002+08:00

in this neverending pursuit of visions and dreams, acquiring one property after another, gaining more status and power in society...

it's true that at the end of it all, it's plain vanity. that which you have, will be given to the next generation who has not worked for it. sometimes, it's the process that counts isn't it?

at the end of the book of eccl, it says:

13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is man’s all.

for this matter, i quickly flipped to the 10 commandments. and that which struck me most this time...

8 “ Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do
all your work, 10 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it
you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male
servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is
within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth,
the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD
blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

our neverending pursuit has to be coupled with r.e.s.t.

at the same time, i had God of my Forever playing on my ipod.

In the end, just to hear You say "Well Done!"

really, isn't this the most desired end point? not the bungalow, not the convertible, not the private jet, not popularity and power. but "well done, my good and faithful servant!"

it's weird, but it takes 'revelation' to learn to rest.

proverbs vs eccl

2010-04-13T10:47:00.001+08:00

why did king solomon write a whole book on wisdom, just to say that it's all vanity in another?

your body's the limit

2010-04-12T15:15:00.002+08:00

what's the point of a thousand dreams if it's ultimately not achieved?

have you ever felt like you want to study some more, you do not feel tired yet, but there is just this stinging pain in your head and nothing goes in no matter how hard you try? You are just helpless. you close your book and rest your brain.

have you ever hoped you can help, but you were just not strong enough or you were just having a horrible backache? all you can do is stand at the side and watch.

have you ever wondered why some people never gets tired while you are always tired?

sometimes... your body's the limit. your health's the limit to achieving your dreams. Stay healthy.

it's the women's world

2010-04-09T14:34:00.005+08:00

nowadays, it's normal for women to fight for their rights. we fight against salary and promotions discrimination. we fight for equality. more and more women are rising up in various fields.

yet, we still expect men to pay, to open the door for us, to carry the heavy stuff. in the event of an airplane emergency for example, the women and children gets to exit before the men do.

doesn't it sound like we've got an upper hand in this generation? haha.. i guess this is just one side of the story.. but oh well~!

i've talked to many and realise that it is probably inbuilt in a lady to want to be pampered, to not be the bread-winner of the family. it'll be even better, if she's allowed to not work. for some, their goal in life is to make sure their children grow up well. few have the desire to climb right to the top of the corporate ladder. well, this is just a small, biased sample size.

is it possible to do both? work and family? not just to do but to do it extremely well. there was a period of time where i dreamed to be like mummy some years back. to be a tai tai and to be very involved in charitable organisations. i.e. chairman of various organisations and live off the neverending pool of money from your husband.

there's a change of mind... i guess i don't want to live off someone's money, but match up to his.. hahaha.. but i'm still a lady.. therefore, if i have big dreams, he must have bigger dreams! if he decides to aim higher, then i will do the same as well. never left behind.. hah.. ultimately, i believe that a big part of my purpose in life would be to complement his dreams, his purpose. on a side note, i still don't know who is this 'he'.

is the passage below possible?

10 Who find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

it must be possible!

-superwoman wannabe-

changed perceptions

2010-04-08T09:35:00.002+08:00

It is amazing how people change their perceptions on you by any one of these 3 facts:
1. you are from a single-parent family
2. you took a study loan during university
3. you are working and studying at the same time

sometimes, i just like to act 'atas'. goodness, that's singlish. actually it means, orang atasan. i love to talk about the wagyu and kobe steaks that i eat. *yum yum* talk about the red wines that i drink, though i actually know nothing much about it. papa says, "if you like it, it's good wine. that simple!" i love to talk about the different bmws that i drive. *pink, green, black*. though they are not mine nor my families. i love to tell people that the guest list on my brother's wedding are made up of "datos and datins and puan sri". i love to .... okay, the list is neverending..

but

i'm also the same person who loves to eat at hawker centres, loves to drink kopi o and teh o, drives a kancil. i'm also the person who cleaned a drain with her bare hands during girl guides and wash plates at my restaurant. well, this list can be neverending too.

i guess there are a lot of sides to a person, or a lot of things that you might not know about a person. haha..

well, i'm fine that people who doesn't know me well thinks that i'm princess-y... i love to see their reaction when they find out otherwise... or when they treat me like one!!!!!

-in her princess Angeline dream-

Others can, I can't

2010-04-07T10:06:00.002+08:00

it all voices down to your goals in life, or rather how goal-oriented you are.
what is it that you want to achieve within this year, within these 5 years and ultimately in life?
does the things that you are doing every minute value adds into your life?

there was a period of time where some people had nothing to do at work. They would read manga, watch variety shows, movies... what if the time's used reading news, doing research on interesting growing companies? *shrugs* which value adds more into your life?

i left office yesterday, went back, had dinner, washed up, kept my clothes and there i was at my table studying.. i walked out of my room and see my housemates playing fb games.. well, what is it that i want to achieve in my life? do i want to be an ordinary girl who works from 9-5? with the one thousand and one dreams hiding in my head. obviously not!

i guess it's just a choice. if you're good with a simple life, go ahead. but it's just not for me. i want to look back in 5 years time and realise that 'oh, i'm qualified alr!' i want to look back at the end of my life, and am proud that i did not spend my life watching tvb series, gaming, etc.

yup.. i'm still leading a rather 'simple' life, but i'll work on it, i'm working on it.

It's not really that I can't.. but I choose not to. :D

the perfect partner

2010-04-06T09:57:00.002+08:00

Assuming a particular person has the following attributes:
1. Generous
2. Helpful
3. Positive

Lets keep it as that. We can safely say that those attributes are good ones which perhaps should be a subset of a perfect partner. Agree?

Lets discuss point number 1: Generous
What happens when he starts giving to everyone, paying for everybody etc. Well, for a start, you will definitely be impress. Think about it one year down the road, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years? What if he gives when he is rich and he still gives when he is poor? Quote from my aunt: "She had to learn to be generous towards my uncle's generosity." which was not something easy to do.

2. Helpful
What happens when he is always out there helping some one, so much that you see less of him at home? What happens when one day your child asks you, "why is daddy always not at home?" you can reply, "because he is always helping a friend in need." Well, can your child understand when you can't even convince yourself? Frustrating isn't it? Again, you'll need to learn to be generous towards his generosity.

3. Positive
What happens when he is always so positive, you subconsciously become afraid to share negative thoughts with him? You manipulate yourself and tell yourself that you should be positive about everything. But deep inside you, you have fears that you need to deal with not bury.

The frustrating part is when he's not doing anything wrong but you are just unhappy. And it's just wrong to go up to him and say, can you please stop helping others!!! cos it makes you feel extremely selfish.

:D

Hence, I would like to conclude that there's no such thing as a perfect partner. There will always be things to be unhappy about. It's just how much you are willing to learn and compromise along the journey.

one at a time

2010-04-01T16:17:00.002+08:00

we all have neverending tasks, mountains of work, hills of problems.. an ocean worth of things to learn, the limitation is the sun and the moon; 24 hours a day.

well, if i have to look for a room to stay, study for my exams, hunt for a new job, convert my driving license, pack my room to move, increase my tuition hours, do visitations for JAMs, read up on companies to invest in, read Napolean Hill (apparently it is a shortcut in life), read my long forgotten baby 'han-yu-pin-yin chinese bible', and the list goes on and on...

if i am going to do all that at one go, the first 6 being the priority, i will get too stressed up. I will either get horrible headaches when i'm studying, or end up sleeping all the time to hide for the time being just to get even more stressed up the moment i wake up.

lets just take it one at a time. i have done the first and have found a room. *strike off* . now, i have to concentrate and study for my exams. then only will i consider looking for a new job. in the mean time, when i want to take a break from studying, i'll pack my stuff and get ready to move. pls allow me to do it one at a time and don't ask me why i'm not looking for a new job yet. cause i do not want to get stressed up and end up doing nothing, ok? =)

the truth is i'm no where near feeling anxious about being jobless in october. not yet at least.

i'm learning to let go of wanting everything to be under my control NOW but i'll face it when it comes nearer and in the mean time focus all my time and strength to deal with issues that need my immediate attention. i think, we will all live happier this way. live life simply, one step at a time.

Opposite Attracts!

2010-03-30T10:53:00.003+08:00

I was studying with my cousin @ tuitionkid. And after that studying session he posted a note on facebook ~ which I found entertaining.

The House Believes; Ugly Girls have Good-looking Boy Friends & Pretty Girls have Bad-looking boyfriends.

So like; my cousin and i were at Carl's Jr, at parkway parade. (attempting really hard, to study our given materials, till i got side tracked and asked this ridiculous observation)
haha. So what i saw was a rather Good-looking lady, she was tall, leggy and had a decent face, sharp features, i took it that she was rather*pretty. As she walked to the counter, she turns suddenly, looks to an ogre and whines "share with me". "yah" he groans, and proceeds to pick his nostrils. whilst staring at a nokia 3320(a really old model) just then ? it hit me? why are they together? It's like a bad Dream-Works scene, where the babe is enthralled by such a bestial character, with crude and terribly bad and obnoxious gestures. Why is she... nvm, lifestyle choice.

Then, i asked Angie, is she together with him out of some complex? Like, she has such an inferiority complex that she fears, if she had a good looking guy would be a really unstable date? cause he could be snapped up by a prettier girl? She fears she will not be good enough, and then guy will dump her for the prettier girl. Therefore an ugly boyfriend would be more stable for her to have more secure, why? cause no one will steal this bestial character away from her?

Then it struck me, would there never be a good looking couple? would a good looking couple be impossible, would the relationship be based upon only superficial appearances .A really insecure and flawed relationship?

And for Good-looking guys? when you see their girl, you see a horse face? or a reindeer cum moose chimera? Cause also these guys have an inferiority complex like the girls? that someone better will steal them away. Or by virtue of ego; they do not believe they need to woo, and are wooed by sows and the rest of animal planet?

And with that, coincidence strikes, another couple on KFC side, a really pretty girl> with a only decent looking guy. c'mon.. really now. Even Lipstick jungle has a better plot then reality! I was ready to hurl my dinner, and swear off dating for another year.

Well, thank goodness for Angie, to be ever so much more rationale and with her gathered intelligence(along with maturity and experience) she woke me from
my twisted and warped perceptions.
"what if it were this way? Good looking guys really just do not try hard enough? because they do not see a need to? so that's why for the lack of good-looking couples? and like... These not so good looking or just decent looking guys maybe really persistent and try very hard for these girls?"

And that allayed me, thank goodness. The wisdom of my cousin. And the belief of a good looking couple is not nearly impossible, it's just such a foreign idea, with all these disappointments. Now? believe it. All good looking guys have to be is persistent and more selective as well as the ladies.

Well, I commented on the post:

girls can't really be persistent you know. girls wait for guys to go after them. and they pick the one who treats them best. so, if the good looking, rich, ambitious guy is not going to put in enough effort to show his 'love' for her. she will just have to pick the not good looking one who is more sincere. girls are emotional beings you see..

-Jere and I do have something in common- hahaha~!!!

brilliance not put to good use

2010-03-29T16:36:00.004+08:00

How to cheat while working at a restaurant?

Scenario 1:

You are entrusted with the keys to the shop. Customers keep unfinished alcohol at the restaurant for consumption during next visit.

Duplicate the key. Come back in the middle of the night, and drink the whiskies.

Scenario 2:

You were told to do a stock check on wines.

Report less bottles of wine. When customers ask for the wine list, promote the bottles which you have not reported. Give them a different bill, keep the money, throw the order sheets.

Scenario 3:

There is a standard set lunch.

Keep the receipt left behind by customers (e.g for a table for 4). Give the same receipt to another table with 4. So that it doesn't need to go through the cash register to generate the receipt. Keep the money. Throw the order sheets.
.
.
.
.

.
The staff in my restaurant are brilliant, aren't they? It is indeed a pity that they are not using their brilliance in a better manner. To upgrade themselves and to not stay as a waiter all their lives.

Indeed, many have the capabilities, but they choose not to use it. They choose the easier path, the lazier path. Or is it due to their upbringing? the environment in which they were born?

Well, lets aim to use that which is given to us in wisdom. Lets use our talents and capabilities to generate more, and thus the ability to give more to the less fortunate, the society.

it was so close!

2010-03-25T17:33:00.004+08:00

i went to golden mile early to get my tickets. it was a plain night. an old man was walking around selling night papers. i thought, 'if i could read chinese, i would definitely buy one copy.' immediately, i mentally calculated the number of papers he need to sell in exchange for a meal. well, 20 copies? 30 copies? hmmm...

then, some little creature caught my attention *cockroach*. it was running along the street. towards the back of a man who was sitting at the steps. just when, the cockroach was a metre away, a girl walked over and called him. he stood up and left. in a difference of seconds, lol.. he was saved from having a cockroach climbing up his back. *yucks*

how many times have we been so close, this close to getting into trouble, and someone saved us.. without our knowledge. i mean, we didn't even know that we were so close to getting into trouble. each and everyone of us might have been through that state without knowing that we did. life is just amazing.. and i'm suddenly reminded of a story.

Joey (not her real name) is a bubbly and petite girl from a small town, one of the more attractive girls in this little town. It was a normal, sunny day as her dad dropped her off at the tuition centre and there she was spotted by someone from the gang, "ah beng". Ah Beng then allocated his private investigators to find out the background of this girl.

Soon enough, he found out that Joey has a brother, Joe which was from the same school as ah beng. ah beng then went up to Joe in school one day.
ah beng: eh, boy. i want your sister.
Joe: huh?!
ah beng: i'll beat you up if you don't give her to me.
Joe: ??? are you crazy?!
ah beng: you say i crazy? meet me at 'burger shop' after school. I am lim ah beng! if you don't turn up, Joey will get into trouble!!
Joe: ??? *walks away*

Immediately, Joe went to consult his good friend Muthu.
Joe: Muthu, just now this gangster came and ugut (threaten) me. i'm suppose to meet him after school, or not he'll do something to my sister.
Muthu: WHAT'S HIS NAME??!!
Joe: dunno wat.. ah bengla.
Muthu: Cheh, ah beng.i thought who. don't worry, he's just a small fry. I'll go with you later.

After school, Joe and Muthu went to meet ah beng. and the issue's settled. and Joey didn't even know about it. she didn't know that her brother Joe, actually almost got into trouble because of her. and she didn't know that she was in some sort of danger. to this day, she still doesn't. *maybe she does now*

life is like a drama. the fact that you are alive today, may just mean that someone has sacrificed something to keep you alive. someone may have given up something for you to have such opportunities today. someone may have gone through some hardship to open a way for you. appreciate people. do the same for others.

i so want to tell you who Joey, Joe and Muthu is. You'll appreciate the story so much better. =X

choosing memories

2010-03-23T21:39:00.003+08:00

to M***:
I remember that time when you bought a drink and called me out of class to take a sip.
I remember that day when my friends wanted to bully me and you were there to protect me.
I remember the times where you taught me how to play the piano and do sums.
I don't remember that time where you screamed at me cause i didn't wake you up for guides
I don't remember the numerous times you gave me that scary 'look'.

There's always a set of memories you have with everyone. Happy and sad. Positive and negative. What we choose to remember, determines very much your future relationship with the person; love or hatred. As you can see, I do not literally 'don't remember' the incidents the fact that i am able to write it down. However, the negative feelings attached to it, i can no longer relate to. All I can remember is the blessed feeling to have her in my life, when I recall all the things that she has done for me.

We can choose to remember memories that we shouldn't, and forget memories that we should. what memories of you do you want others to remember? why not remember those that you would like others to remember you for.

let go of the grudges...
be grateful...

to M***:
I remember that time when you bought a drink and called me out of class to take a sip.
I remember that day when my friends wanted to bully me and you were there to protect me.
I remember the times where you taught me how to play the piano and do sums.
I remember the times we chit chat till the night laughing and talking about the past.
I remember that time where my bank account is empty and the next day it wasn't anymore.
I don't remember *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace* *backspace*

nomad

2010-03-21T14:28:00.003+08:00

It has been long since I stayed in a place called 'home'
I hate to identify my hostel room as 'home',
I call it my little box.
I hate to identify my rented unit as 'home',
I call it my place.

Living like a nomad is no fun at all,
you spend endless time, hoping that you meet the point system to get a room in hall,
you spend endless time, house hunting when your lease ends...

I dream of a home of my own in this foreign land,
A home that does not necessarily be big,
But a comfortable place,
A place I look forward to return to every day,
A place with an oven,
A place with a huge tv and surround sound system..
A place with a comfortable sofa
A place with a proper study table
A place I can do whatever I want,
A place that will look like what I want it to be..

A place I call home...

Having a nice home is very essential, for rebellious teenage kids to want to go home, for workaholic husbands to look forward to going home. Nowadays, many seem to overlook this fact, that a comfortable home is a key factor to keeping families together.

And thus, my next aim in life is to buy a place and make it my home..

Lets stop this nomad-ing business..
It's irritating.. =P

I'm moving on 1st of May... again...
but the landlords are nice people at least =)

kor kor

2010-03-05T09:45:00.003+08:00

there's one person whom i have always been proud of, if you have been my good friend for the past 8 years, you would have heard me talk a lot about him though it has gradually decrease over the years... he is my big brother, my only brother, the best brother..

kor invests a lot of time into my life, to motivate me to dream bigger and achieve greater things. those days where he was still studying in australia, and I in Singapore, he would call me for hours to chit chat and to discuss university routes with me. We will talk about LSE and MIT and Harvard etc.. the fact that i'm in this actuarial career is also thanks to him, he introduced me to the word 'actuarial science' when i was still in Form 3? when kor told pa that i wanted to study actuarial science, papa said, "crazy!"

when he drives me around in ipoh, he would identify empty lands that he wants to buy. He would talk about the snooker table in his future home, etc (i dun rmb wat else).. and I would tell him about my underground carpark for my collection of cars.

kor is a very intelligent man, lazier in his earlier days. During his SPM (O level equivalent), he had one week of break in between papers. Others would study like crazy during that one week, but he, trying to be funny, rented a whole 40 episodes of TVB series (the demi-gods and semi-devils) - one of my favourites, to re-watch.. let me emphasize "RE-WATCH". And he finished it during that week, and continue with his exams the following week. CRAZY!

when he was in uni (decided to be more hardworking), his results were like that of primary school kids. 90+ for many papers, full high distinctions. he built rockets.. and was 2nd in his school. oh, well... he would call me and tell me the methods he used to study..

there finally came a day where he introduced his first girlfriend to us, now my sis-in-law. definitely, all 4 of his sisters rejoiced together with him and were extremely excited. she's a nice girl. like all girls, she tried her best to fit into the family. and relatives talked about her.. etc..

and slowly, i began to see less of him, my big brother, the one whom i love, i respected, i admired. i didn't understand.. i thought it's some scam to steal him away and have him all to herself. with gossips, things got even worse.. i really felt like i lost my beloved kor.. and that's when i talk lesser and lesser about him..

i guess i just needed some time to understand, and i guess i understand now. that he has his family, and he can't be always there anymore.. he still loves us, all 4 of us.. and he does everything he can to help us succeed, to keep us motivated.. he cares, he really do..

so, everything is back to normal now, haha... come talk to me when you see less of your big brother, i'll tell you all about it...

love,
aanchi

guts vs responsibilities

2010-02-26T17:41:00.003+08:00

Isn't it true that as people grow older, they have less guts? At least I think that's true in my case. You tend to take less risk, follow the rules, dislike uncertainty and change. Well, as you grow older, you have more responsibilities. The decisions you make not only affect yourself but affect your love ones as well. Affect your livelihood. Affect your reputation in the industry. Affect people who are in the same boat as you. It determines whether you have food to eat next month. whether you have a roof over your head next year. see what I mean? the more responsibilities i have, the less guts I have to fight for what i truly believe in, for my passion. having no confidence, cowardly.. it's so not angeline.. but it is much easier to just keep quiet.

I remember the days where I break rules without second thoughts.. I stand up for my rights or rather what I think was right.

Flashback 1:

It was I.U. Day the next day. I was the Secretary of Interact Club then. The deco comm hasn't finish decorating the hall. The stuff was hardly up. We had not run through the programs. Have not rehearsed our dance, our skit. I can't remember what else. That was Form 5, 6 years back. Teacher advisor wanted to go home, insisted on locking the hall and insisted that we made do with whatever we have prepared. That was only 12pm. Guess what I did? Together with my President, i think.. we walked round the hall to see how we can get in. Well, he really did lock everything up, even the secret passages that we tried to leave open. The windows were the old fashion jalousie window. Basically, I saw a piece of metal on the floor and used it to make loose and then remove 2 pieces of the glass. And then, I climbed in and open the door for my friends. Tada! Whose idea? ME! oops.. and we were able to get everything ready for our I.U. Day. *smiles*

Flashback 2:
This was 7 years ago, Form 3. Being in girl guides, we had to spend a lot of money to join competitions for gatherings. Banner competitions. Cloth and paint cost a fortune then! (to us students). So, we were doing some fund raising (not for the gathering), it was song request during recess.. haha.. the proceeds which I as the Coy Leader then was suppose to pass to my Teacher Advisor again.. I reported like 200 less and used it to buy cloth and paint for our banner! Which we won first prize later... *smiles*

Want more stories of rules I broke?
climbing out of hostel gate at night in JC to meet my sis
climbing out of school gate cos we stayed too late in school in JC too
skipping school to go to the library to study (with dad's permission)
and bla bla bla..

i'm not rebellious and naughty.. I just do what I thought is right.

hmmm... I like that side of me more

2nd round of uncertainty

2010-02-25T17:00:00.003+08:00

First round was when I was about to graduate, and I was in bible school. I had no idea where I was going to stay, where I was going to find the money to survive, to pay rental. Truly, the miracle came. I got a miraculous job and a perfect unit! Always on time, Never Late..

For a few months, I really thought "Life is too smooth to be true!" That was a very short 2 months i think. Haha.. and I was just waiting for some news to burst, to make life more interesting again. (Yeah, rite!)

And my wish came true. Life suddenly became very interesting.

UOB LIFE FOR SALE!

Well, that was one, job insecurity. If I were to look for a job elsewhere I will probably get a 1k pay cut. Secondly, I have to move out somewhere to stay with my sister in May. My rental contract only ends in July. If I have a job, I guess I don't mind paying rental at two places just to stay with my sister but that is not the case. What else? hmmm.. interest for my tuition loan starts in April. That's an additional financial commitment. And silly me just bought a *****, which requires quite a sum of money. And there are some good shares to buy now as well. Seems like the root of all my problems is m.o.n.e.y.

To sum it up,

1. Potential pay cut

2. Have to pay rental at 2 places

3. Tuition loan repayment

4. ****ing loan repayment

5. Investments

Well, it is easy to say when God can do it once, He can do it again. It is not so easy to have the faith that everything will just be like the first time.

Then, I received an FB message during CNY that says, my housemate's (Ching Seng) cousin need a place to stay as she will be coming to Singapore and she can take over my place when I leave. Is that miracle or what? Problem number two solved. I should really trust that everything else will just fall into place, rite?

Today was results. Pru offered me or rather most actuarial staff a 6 month contract. Well, they need us to do integration, period. The offer comes with rather attractive retention bonus (at least for a fresh grad). And at the end of it I get my retrenchment bonus too. Well, is this a blessing in disguise. So, I call this the 1st part of the miracle. The 2nd part will be when I get my miracle job at the end of the 6 months. Wait and See! I'm sure I'll surprise you once again!

I have mixed feelings.. I'm human.. I still feel insecure.. but what's job insecurity when I've got a huge backing who owns the world.. muahahahaha..

Tataz

a mother's love

2010-02-24T14:56:00.003+08:00

it astounds me! how a mother sacrifices for her children, always giving the best, giving all of herself. the neverending energy, the unlimited willpower. it's just boundless, no matter the amount of setbacks. she just keeps going. such unconditional love. have you ever wondered where the energy came from? she really explains 'the power of love'.

it's cny + valentine's day, the time of the year where customers flood restaurants. she wakes up early in the morning and bakes her cakes. she goes to the restaurant during lunch time to make sure the kitchen runs smoothly, then she goes to the supermarket to buy whatever the restaurant's short of. she goes home feeling a lil tired. she is about to go for a 2 hr nap, when the phone rings, the shop is short of cakes, steak. she takes a 1/2 hr nap instead. wakes up and bake the cake, cut the meat. and there she goes again to the restaurant for the dinner crowd. she works till the last order. i hope she at least takes satisfaction that her children sits till the restaurant closes to accompany her with a bottle of wine.

i wake up at 11am. goes to the kitchen for a chat while she bakes the cakes. accompany her to the supermarket. comes back and chit chat some more. by 7pm, when we (plus siblings) are suppose to go to the shop to do waitressing, we are so exhausted.. it takes so much effort to get ready and leave home to the shop. the only thing that drives me is the thought that she has been working since morning and she has been doing it for months, or rather years.

out of her 5 children, 4 has graduated and are working. why is she doing all these for? for money? for pride? for FUN?!

NO! it's just so that we have a better headstart in life. oh, mummy.. it's never ending.. take a break please..

financial anxiety

2010-02-10T17:08:00.001+08:00

i really wonder what kind of anxiety he went through when he had to see the bank account depleting...
zero income... kids to feed... certain lifestyle to uphold..

planning for my finances is already getting me anxious.
no confirmed income in two months time..
though i have no kids to feed.. no expensive lifestyle to keep..
it is a real headache..
part and parcel of growing up... of being financially independent

i feel like i can relate to what he went through
except that his is multiplied by 1,000 of what i'm feeling now..
having insufficient is a problem.. a true problem..
nothing to do with being money minded..
money can solve lots of problem..

just don't let it have you

mummy's bday

2010-02-09T20:57:00.003+08:00

miki che che & i went home for mummy's bday...
i forgot to call lin che, my nanny before hand to tell her that we're going back..
so, i had to climb the gate, and then open it for miki che che -_-
and somehow, we got into the house. HAHA~!

oh, we had dinner at sun lee how fook restaurant..
food was all above MY expectations...
but of course yeah.. the suckling pig there is NOT GOOD...
which suckling pig can ever beat overseas restaurant's..
so, don't order suckling pig anywhere else in ipoh... only at overseas =D
and the order of the food over there came out all wrong...
so, my advice.. tell them your order preference.. (please d0)
or rather.. just eat at overseas... quieter, better food..

had a good night's chat at my cafe.. with dato rahman, uncle steven..
i really love to hear uncle steven talk, it stirs me, it drives me, it motivates me..
nowadays, i've been meeting so many driven me..
(will talk more on that in some other post perhaps)

but indeed with regrets..
as we grow up...
it is really difficult for us.. siblings to meet up, all 5 of us!
especially with the PJ restaurant..
things are changing in the family...
kor has a family now, of course that is his first priority..
why should i get petty and all?
what more he has 4 younger sisters, how is he suppose to divide his attention?
ah~! that's the process of growing up..
(will also talk more on this in some other post perhaps.. ~lol~)

i love typing like this.. randomly.. with disorganize thoughts..
why should i put in so much effort to write a blog post?
it's not an exam~! it's not a paper i have to hand up~!

chiaoz...
~study~

immediate reaction

2010-02-08T17:56:00.005+08:00

how do you react in a case of emergency?
when you see an accident happen right in front of you, when your friend's bag just got snatch by a thief while you are right beside her.. what if it's yours?
what would you do?

do you get out of your car and help, and call for help? how about your own safety?
if you are driving, will you knock down the thief?
if it's your bag, will you react fast enough to let go instead of retaliate?
are you the kind who will just stand stunt in cases of emergencies?

don't know? think of a less serious incident you went through, how did you react?

i, for one, knows that I'm just bad at giving correct reactions, making correct decisions if i was only given a split second...

i always remember this incident where I made a stupid decision, put it simply a selfish decision..

firstly i was in a hurry,
it was 1pm, I had class at 2pm..
I'm suppose to meet a fren to open FOC bank account at 115pm
I promise to help a fren pay his fees which was due today
alright, it's now alr 115pm, I am queueing at the atm machine to withdraw the 2k that is needed to pay for the fees.. I'm alr late..
125pm.. it's my turn at the atm..
I walk towards the atm machine, the person before me left his $50 note at the machine.
He is walking away... I see him..
I shouted hello! He din turn behind..
Come on, a normal reaction.. just take the note and run to himla, for goodness sake!
I was so lost.. I look at the queue behind me.. it's so long..
what if I walk away and then I have to queue again..
what about the fees I need to pay? what about the acc that I need to open?
before I finish considering what I should do, he was out of sight..
yeahh.... that's what I call... selfish me~!

oh well.. if i am given a 2nd chance, I will run to him and give him the note... i so regret that..
so what if i get to class late... hmmm...

well... if you are the kind who will stand stunt like me...
1. walk in opposing direction from the car traffic
2. carry your bag on the inside
prevention is better than cure
don't be the one who ends up in comma

incase you don't know what i'm talking about...
this is for the malaysians, not singaporeans..

my beloved msia

2010-02-04T11:21:00.003+08:00

i was reading this article...
Of schools, hostels and tight budget

my heart sank..
there are many things which i read, i laugh about it and just think that they are really a bunch of entertaining clowns..

reporting higher quotes and taking money is one thing..
but cutting budget for education is CRAZY.. INSANE!!

take all the money you want.. but at least do what you are suppose to do! help us progress! oh, come on! and do take care of the poor =(

sighh....

dreaming for financial stability

2010-02-01T11:24:00.005+08:00

G: Am I really that materialistic?
H: Tell me, why is it that you want?
G: Everyone wants a comfortable life. More than that, I want to be able to help all those who needs help.. sign a cheque to fund any of Your works..
H: How have you been using that which I have given to you so far?
G: Giving
H: So, is giving materialistic?
G: No
H: Yup.. you wouldn't have spent your 1st pay ... ... ..., etc. etc.

etc.

There's a thin line between dreaming & wanting, and being materialistic.. Dreaming about having a comfortable life, huge mansions and nice cars and private jets and a financially stable partner does not equate oneself to being materialistic. It is the reason behind having those dreams that determines whether you are caught in materialism or not. Is it for mere 'showing off''; who lives in the largest house, who has the most servants, who drives the most expensive car, who gets the most exclusive services?

It is a choice of the way you want to live your life. Do you merely want a simple life, a happy family, watch your children grow up into fine ladies and gentlemen? Is that alone sufficient for one to say at the end of his life, "I have lived life to the fullest."

Do you want to change the world? or at least the world around you? Are you able to lend a helping hand if you only have sufficient for the needs of your own family? is it selfish to have just enough for yourself and never enough to give to others around you?

Think about it, from another perspective, leading a simple life and not wanting to achieve more may in itself be a selfish act. On the other hand, wanting more, setting higher and higher financial goals may be a selfless act.

Not the other way round.

materialistic?

2010-01-27T17:34:00.002+08:00

is it wrong to dream?
is it wrong to want?

the one i love

2010-01-24T22:21:00.002+08:00

Always will be in my memory...

Every morning, he wakes me up..
the only person who succeeds in waking me up other than mummy..

After getting ready for school..
I walk down to the kitchen..
and there on the dining table is breakfast all prepared..
When I complained why is it becoming half boiled eggs every morning..
The next morning it became bacon and eggs, burger, hotdog, soup with garlic bread..

And then he sends me to school..
Asks me what time school ends today..
And he picks me up from school..

And I reach home..
And when I'm hungry..
I ask "What's for lunch?"
and there prepared before me..
yummy 'wanton noodles' or 'curry mee'...
sometimes homecooked, sometimes not..

How grateful am I, to have known him..
to have had him in my life..
I've yet to meet someone more intelligent than he..
more generous than he..
more loving than he..
more charming than he..
a better cook than he..

I love you yesterday, today and forever..
I love you papa..
and I'll always miss you..

behind the scenes

2010-01-23T01:36:00.003+08:00

Kor once said to his 4 lil sisters, "For everything that you did not do, someone else has to do it for you." It seemed like his 4 lil sisters couldn't be bothered about what he said. Well, at least I know one (ME) really took that sentence and processed it.

Since I started working, I also started buying clothes for myself in Singapore. One thing I noticed, I also started spending time sewing because once in a while some buttons will come off. One day, I went home and I had a conversation with my nanny,
Me: I think the clothes that I buy are not of good quality. The buttons keep coming out.
Lin che: Of course! Over here (Ipoh), every time, I'll re-sew all the buttons of your new clothes.
Me: ???
Really, a lot of things that we enjoy in life, someone else has been doing it for us whether you know it or not.

All my life, somebody has been refilling water in the cars that I drive. It doesn't mean that the car doesn't need water.

All my life, somebody changes the water pump in the fish pond. It doesn't mean the fish pond stays clean by itself.

All my life, somebody...

when that somebody leaves your life... it is time to grow up... and time and time again, i keep growing up...

linguistic battle

2010-01-04T11:47:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite Christian songs in year 2009, (i believe it existed yearssss ago):

Walau Seribu Rebah

TIADA PERNAH KURAGUKAN
KASIH SETIA-MU YA TUHAN
SETIAP WAKTU DALAM HIDUPKU
TAK PERNAH KAU TINGGALKAN

MESKI LANGIT TAMPAK SURAM
AWAN GELAP PUN MENGHADANG
HADAPI BADAI LEWATI GELOMBANG
TAK PERNAH KAU TINGGALKAN DIRIKU

REFF :
WALAU SERIBU REBAH DI SISIKU
KAU TETAPLAH ALLAH PENOLONGKU
WALAU SEPULUH RIBU REBAH DI KANANKU
TAK KAN KU GOYAH S'BAB YESUS SERTAKU

Oh well...
towards 1Malaysia, eh?

-still the irrationally faithful one-

irrational faithfulness

2010-01-03T12:34:00.003+08:00

why is there so much faithfulness in us..
why do you call the place home when it is merely a country, not a nation..
is it because you did not experience banging on the wall to progress in life..
i think it's because i have not experienced the racism, which is severely developing..

whatever it is...
this patriotism in us, i find it irrational..
ask us why we still love, and none of us can answer..
why do we love a place that stops progression in our lives..

is it the bungalow that i get to stay in?
the never shortage of cars at home?
the overflowing supply of 'good' food?
the love from our loved ones?
the service i can give to my loved ones.. because i am there?

for this faithfulness...
1st step: let us all who are faraway, register as voters..

frog and lilypads

2009-12-22T10:58:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a frog..
it stands at the pond side, waiting for a nice, big, comfortable lilypad to come by,

A nice and big lilypad came by, and it hops on it..
stays there for a while and found that it was not so comfortable after all..
and so, the frog hops to a next lilypad..
and the first lilypad sunk deep into the pond..

And the same happened to the 2nd, 3rd, 4th..... lilypads..
when is the frog ever going to find a lilypad that it is contented with?
before all the lilypads in the pond sink..

some lilypads take days to surface again,
some take years..
poor lilypads...

froggie, froggie,
i hope you find the right lilypad where you can call home soon..

thanksgiving service

2009-12-21T15:10:00.002+08:00

I have heard many complaining about the church culture
About how a certain group of people are never accepted in church
About how some people are being discriminated in church

They would tell me:
Precisely, Jesus came to save the sinners,
he ate with tax collectors and prostitutes,
so, that's how church is suppose to be like, rite?
accepting...

Seems like God does put this into hearts of many,
a seed to bring the cultural mandate into the world,
But the 'many' chose to complain, chose to leave church..

To me,
The difference between Ps Kong & Sun and all the other people is,
others chose to complain period, Ps Kong & Sun chose to change the world
they did something about the legalism in church..
(God gave 10 commandments, but by the time Jesus came there were thousands of laws)
and they changed the church culture..
and they brought the cultural mandate into church..

How thankful am I to be part of City Harvest Church

tomorrow

2009-12-01T16:53:00.002+08:00

it's so weird...
i don't know what will happen to me and my job in the next few months..
i don't know whether i will still be overpaid..

lol..

but the peace of God surpasses all understanding

me (by shux)

2009-11-30T14:19:00.003+08:00

you are angeline.
the dreamer, the worrier.
you are a feelings type of person,
you decide on relationship matters seventy percent by emotion, thirty percent by logic.
you are generally confident of your outward appearance, but sometimes unsure about yourself.
you are a lazier person, but if there is something you are passionate about, you'll go all out.

oooOOhhhhH

change

2009-11-25T17:45:00.001+08:00

change.....

is not nice when everything is running smoothly.....

grrrr...

last sunday

2009-11-25T14:18:00.002+08:00

It was one day after kor's wedding..

945pm, on the way to bus station frm Maria's Cafe..
Aan Li driving MP345, the black BMW 5 series...
I just had lots of strawberries, a cup of tiramisu and a glass of shiraz (was it cab sauvgn?)

Sitting at the passenger seat next to Aan Li,
I whispered, I wish I work here..
and then, I heard an echo..
miki: I want to work in Ipoh!

then,
aan li: you guys think alike..

950pm, arrived at Zaman Indah..

it all happened in 5 minutes..

home

2009-09-24T23:27:00.002+08:00

home...
what is home...
where is home...

not 11 jalan batu
but 14 lorong gopeng

not bus
but car

not work
but rest

change

2009-09-14T23:08:00.003+08:00

It seems like I don't know myself very well...
I don't like change after all..
I prefer stability...

When 10 dollars seems like 1 dollar...

all settled

2009-07-28T23:43:00.002+08:00

God is good..

Before SOT.. everything was very, very uncertain..
But somehow, I know that I know that I know that..
God has already prepared a good position for me..
and a nice house for me..

And so.. I've got a job at UOB Life as a Management Associate..
Mainly I will be trained in the actuarial department..
So, I still get to do what I studied..
and continue taking all my exams..

And so.. I've got a nice lil hdb flat..
Nearest mrt.. Kallang
bus 12 to lavendar, bugis, clarke quay, expo (church)
bus 14 to dhoby ghaut, orchard, city hall, suntec
bus 30 to vivocity, paya lebar
bus 196 to suntec, raffles place (work)
what more do you want?

what more do I want?
everything settled right before SOT ends in 2 weeks time...
He has it all planned out..
all i need to do is walk the path..

what more can I want?
a lot.. a lot more...
you know.. i know..

decisive leadership

2009-06-14T18:35:00.002+08:00

I am reading 'You the Leader' by Phil Pringle.

One story talks about Ronald Reagan, one of the great decisive leaders of our time. One of the crisis He encountered in his own country: The air traffic controllers throughout the USA threaten a strike. Reagan tells them that if they go on strike, he will sack them all and bring in the military. The controllers don't believe that this could happen, claiming that the military couldn't do the job. They say there will be aircraft accidents everywhere at airports and in the sky. They go on strike. Reagan sacks them all . The military take over. There is not one casualty in the sky.

So, what is it about this story? Somehow it reminded me of a decision I made.

I was my choir's conductor. Competition was in two days time. Mid term examinations were in a week. People have been missing practices to study and there was only one day left to practice: "tomorrow!" I was upset that they are not committed to the practices.

I said to them, "Whoever doesn't turn up for practice tomorrow will not be allowed to enter the competition." We have been practising for monthssss... So, it is really quite silly to not be able to enter the competition. Guess what? My best friend already decided not to turn up the next day. And.. she didn't turn up! It was painful for me, that she won't be with us during the competition. But I can't take back my words. So, I called her and said, "If you don't come now, I really can't let you go for the competition tomorrow." And she said,"It's fine. She won't go then." I really don't understand but so, she didn't enter the competition. hmmmm... She is still my very good friend today!!

I don't really have a point to this story... just to share..

a typical day

2009-06-10T23:10:00.004+08:00

many of my friends think that i'm the free-est person...
now that i have graduated...
and i am still currently unemployed...

let me clarify that i am actually very busy now...
it's not that i come up with excuses to not meet up with friends...

this is angeline's typical day in June:
730am: Wake up
845am - 1pm: School of Theology
1pm - 3pm: Lunch & Travel
3pm-6pm: Tuition
8pm: Is the earliest time i reach my room...

Things I do at night:
1. My numerous School of Theology assignments... NUMEROUS!!
2. Send out some resumes
3. Go house viewing
4. Prepare for interviews

What are my numerous assignments?
1. Have to do a book review every week (i.e. read one book a week)
2. Finish reading the bible in 5 months (i.e. many, many chapters a day)
3. Starting from next week, 1 test per week
4. End of this month, hand up 10 sermon outlines
5. 1st week of July, 5 preaching tests

House viewing?
1. I have to move out of hall by july 15th latest i think... i feel like i don't even have time to pack and move!

Interviews?
Seriously, I don't really have the luxury of time to prepare for my interviews thoroughly. So, I guess.. I'm going to learn as I go through each interview... i'll automatically do better and better. I had much more composure in my 2nd interview compared to the 1st. But I still wasn't at my best state... I think I didn't potray to the interviewer that I am completely confident that I can handle the job and the stress level.. when actually if you know me... i can handle stress...
(i have another interview next week.. do keep me in your prayers =))

Talk about form 5:
This week sports day (House Captain), Next week choir competition (Choir Conductor), Following week mid terms, and then after exams CF gathering and IU day (CF President, Inter CF Vice Chair and Interact Club Secretary). Gosh... how did i handle that? But it was fun wasn't it?

Talk about JC:
A sudden shock that I had to do up a few years worth of reports for MOE auditors, in 2 weeks time is my project, Farewell Concert (which i think was a success), and the following week my Promos (which I pass, good enough to renew my scholarship).

Can I handle stress? Yes... but i only remember these stories properly after the interview.. then how? too badlor.. haha.. and i work better under stress.. In uni, i join nothing, and no drive...

Now, I'm busy.. Yes, I'm tired, even right now! But I enjoy it! You live this life once! Lets make the best out of it...

angeline... angeline... angeline...

job interview

2009-06-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

If you fail a job interview, take it as a free interview practice for 'd' job. :)

silent scream

2009-05-28T18:01:00.003+08:00

I heard about 'Silent Scream' today...

It's an ultrasound video of an abortion 11 weeks after conception. Directed and filmed by Dr. Bernard Nathanson, the film vividly shows an abortion taking place on the fetus.

As the fetus (girl) is being aborted, the child rears and moves violently to one corner in an attempt to avoid the instrument. Her mouth is visibly open in a "silent scream."

The abortionist who allowed this abortion to be filmed ultrasound was quite skilled, having performed more than 10,000 abortions. The resulting ultrasound so appalled him that he never again performed another abortion. So, did the mother who was a feminist, she never again discussed the issue of abortion.

My heart dropped as I listened to this short story. As I googled and watch the ultrasound video, I just couldn't watch the whole thing. It seem so traumatic for the little fetus. I just felt compassion, not only for the baby, but for every mum, for I feel that they will suffer the guilt of murder for the rest of their lives

ahh... abortion...

for more information on silent scream, just google 'silent scream'.

stop thinking?

2009-05-26T14:54:00.002+08:00

I had this taxi driver friend... after i sat in his cab for several times in ipoh, he became my friend. I think he was one of the first few people who said to me, "you think a lot, don't you?" and that was when i was in form 4... i wonder what i think about...

Just now, one of my friend, Dean just said to me, "don't think so muchla." I know I think a lot. But when you see me thinking, don't ask me what I'm thinking about cos my thoughts just fly through my brain, one thing after another. I don't really know exactly what I'm thinking about.

Think... Think... Think...

Does it complicate situations or simplify situations?
Does it even resolve problems?
Does it create fear and worry?
Does it create faith and hope?

Think...

non smokers

2009-05-25T18:12:00.003+08:00

While I hate smokers for increasing the probability of 1 more widow or 1 more orphan in this world. (whether you are married or not, as long as you have intentions to get married one day - cos the black lung remains a black lung forever).

I also hate non-smokers who closes their nose, gives smokers the disgusted look when they are within proximity. I also dislike people who says loudly to a friend "WHO IS SMOKING?", with an obvious sarcasm towards the smoker.

Take one example,
I walk out of church with some friends, we walk to a coffee shop and there is a table available but next to a table where people are smoking. Maybe not all, but a few turn to give them "the look" and then signal to the rest that they don't like the smell and look around for another table.
"You religious self righteous Pharisees!!!" LOL... i totally use to be like that

Didn't we learn to love others? Didn't Jesus sit with the prostitutes and tax collectors?

I'm in the midst of a lesson on the book of Romans and a small part of it talks about homosexuality. Ps Kong shared about how he accepts gays as friends, even good friends. He eats with them, hugs them, even prays with them. This is what we are called to do, to accept everyone for who they are.

Condemnation brings nothing good out of it. Lets learn to embrace one another. I'd rather learn to tolerate the smell of smoke and show one more person the love of Jesus, then to cause them to walk away thinking that Jesus doesn't accept them and doesn't love them.

written in the perspective of Angeline Tan Aan Chi

back

2009-05-24T23:21:00.002+08:00

it's been a long... time

results are out... i've got the S...
and my 2nd upper =)

life is pretty exciting... but this process of enlarging my capacity is really tiring...

so much has happen, that i don't know what to say...

byeeeeee......

is this the 5th or 6th cycle?
come on... get out of the cycle..

last paper

2009-04-22T22:03:00.002+08:00

this is totally ridiculous...
to s/u a paper...
and worry that you might get a U...
and you can't graduate because you get a U...

ridiculous, right?

okay.. i'll go and study...
and make sure i get an S

friday marks the end of my university life.... oooOOOhhHHHHH~~~
time flies eh... *blink your eyes & 3 years' past*
i wonder what i have accomplished... lol...

erm....

2009-04-13T15:39:00.003+08:00

what happens when you turn on your laptop and nothing appears on the screen? you off it and on it again... you realise that you see something faint... yup.. your com is starting up but gosh... a blackout screen.. =( you turn your laptop around and you see 1 year warranty =( =( =(
how? exam next week... how? saving up money for the next few months in sot... hmmm... i laughed!!

alright.. i just confirmed that the 1 year warranty is fake.. it's 3 years... so *phew* problem solved...
and so... 'blessed are those who trust in the Lord' *that's why i laughed initially... "wat kind of warfare is it this time?" i thought*

and my audition... i don't get to play for sot... is it considered fail? hahaha... u wondering why?
1. the rest of the ppl are good man...
2. i didn't do any stunts...
3. i panic! i couldn't transpose some chords...

but... yeah there is a but...
I still get a chance to play for my upcoming zone camp... =) Leonard, you have to wait much longer before you see me live online..

it's a good thingla.. angeline needs to break her pride and remind herself that it is a God-given talent... God-given.. =)

*study, study, study*

audition

2009-04-02T19:43:00.002+08:00

let me tell you something...
since long, long ago...
before i came to singapore...
i heard of chc and the worship team... and rumours about it..
i secretly had a desire to join a worship team like that...

tomorrow is a chance... a little door to dream come true...
keyboardist audition for SOT...
oooOOOoooooOOOooohhHHH
exciting eh?
i think this is the first time i feel that there is a chance of being not successful in a 'piano/keyboard' audition.... lol...
oh well...
pray hard, practise hard, do my best... whatever the results

my life is Your song
I'll sing for You alone
nothing in this world
can take me away from you
our love goes on and on....

new image

2009-03-25T08:19:00.002+08:00

my jeans got torn last month... i had no intentions of getting a new pair... so what i did was...
dig out all my skirts... and decide to start wearing them again...

.
.
.
.
.

beloved me went for a haircut... it's time to put back all the skirts into the box where it was... hmmmm...

photos?

later ya...
1. i don't feel like styling it now...
2. i seldom cam-whore... just can't get the right angles..

wait for sherly goh or someone to help me take pictures... or wait for it to come out in facebook (but by then, it might have grown)... lol...

you know, i didn't dare go home after the haircut, scared sia.. mummy might scold me... i called aanli and ask her "how? how?" for so long.. and she replied "i can't help you! lol.."

so i prayed while driving home.. pray for mummy to be in good mood... and pray that mummy won't scold me... true enough she didn't... but yesterday she made a statement "next time i bring you to another hairdresser... also can cut very well.. this one is crazy"

LOL~~~

what is life?

2009-03-21T22:36:00.002+08:00

a pot of chamomile.. and a glass of shiraz... that's what i do in ipoh...

aiks

2009-03-20T01:23:00.002+08:00

life is good, isn't it?
life is full of surprises, isn't it?
life is exciting...

i have no idea what i'll be doing in a few months time...
that's where the excitement comes in...

it's a pity i wouldn't have said this almost a year ago when i started this blog...
life was so lifeless...
it's all a matter of perspective...

but the power of 1 fellowship...
let me reiterate.. it's ONE fellowship...
changed my perception...
i don't know how... i don't know why... but there is now life in life...

when 2 0r 3 gather, there I AM in your midst...
maybe that's the secret...

one day

2009-03-12T14:50:00.004+08:00

one day... before i leave ntu and my lil pink box...
i hope to sit outside my window... and drink tea... or have a picnic.. lol..

"sit outside your window?" you ask

this is what i call outside my window

hmmm.... just being random =)
tomorrow's final year project submission!! =)
i'm going to bible school starting 30th march!! =)

good day!

my name

2009-03-02T15:02:00.002+08:00

dear friends,

my name is spelt as A-A-N C-H-I

pls do make an effort to remember the spelling.. or not stick with angeline

-thank you-

hahahaha

shallow angeline

2009-03-02T00:50:00.005+08:00

what are the things that angeline ticks off her list when she is interested in someone...

1. put Angeline and -his surname- together... sounds good? very.. tick

2. imagine on the wedding day... the names written on stage inside the heart shape... do i need to put my christian name or chinese name to match? christian name.. tick

3. do i need to throw all my high heels away? no.. tick

4. are my children going to be good looking? yes.. tick

5. do i feel good standing next to him? yes.. tick

6. musician? pianist + guitarist + drummer... very talented.. tick

7. knows the difference between very good food, good food and okay food? obviously.. tick

8. dreams of having a bungalow, a sports car and a mpv? much more than that.. tick

actually.. just the first four.. the rest are rubbish...

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okay.. i'm JUSTTT JOKINGGGG!!!

what do you expect when even my nanny says "blek... don't want to go there.. so stuffy and small" and we tease "yeahla.. you are used to living in big house"... LOL.... she's funny...

Giving to God

2009-03-01T13:51:00.005+08:00

Giving 10% to God...
most people thinks that that's a lot of money, if you earn 10,000.. that's 1000!!! if you look at it that way it is...

my eldest sis, mary once explained an analogy,
lets say a father takes his daughter to McDonald's and buy her a packet of large fries...
is it too much for the father to ask his daughter to share some fries with him?
after all... it's all from God, God gave us everything that we have...

I thought that analogy is pretty cool... but... hmmm...

and so, the Bible says:
Matthew 13: 3-8
Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: "Behold, a sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."

Giving to the house of God is like sowing on good ground, and we will definitely receive many, many folds in return. It's a promise, just go and claim that promise from God!

*i haven't got to my main point yet.. LOL*

To many, it seems ridiculous... when you are struggling to meet ends meet, why do you still give? it's just... RIDICULOUS! It doesn't make sense... Somebody once said to me that, i don't believe that it works that way.. when you give to God, He will bless you back.. if that's true, everyone would be doing that already. I respect this person a lot, so i didn't know how to reply then.. but really how many will have the faith to give everything and believe that they will have food to eat the next day just as how God feeds the sparrow (Matt 6: 25-26).

Last semester, I was studying for my economics paper,
and coming across Nash Equilibrium showed me something..
Take for example, a farmer's dilemma, when all the farmers produce less together, they actually earn more in the end. It just doesn't make sense. Everyone wants to plant more, sell more and earn more! That sounds more logical, rite? But when all the farmers produce less.. they really do earn more (due to the price elasticity and demand supply thing)

Some things, some big picture stuff, one farmer can't see it, and hence the state needs to set rules and help them. It's the same, giving 10% tithe and offering and building fund and get blessed in return. Doesn't make much sense to a human mind. But God created the world, He knows what is best, He made this rule with our interest in mind and in return we will be blessed 30 folds, 60 folds, a 100 folds...

i finally posted this..

turning point

2009-02-26T14:14:00.003+08:00

The turning point of my university life...

It's when i meet them... a new group of friends... and you don't know how much i appreciate their entrance in my life... and i haven't told them yet too... lol...

just keep running, just keep running, just keep running running running... :)

restore new passion

2009-02-23T22:17:00.004+08:00

This is one of my favourites... but i can never find it...

alright.. this is obviously not me... i can play but i can't sing like that..

Anyone able to do me this favour and find me the song?
(found it! found it!) yay!
it's filled with memories... my passion.. my vision...

Let Go

2009-02-21T13:41:00.002+08:00

Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see & aske the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"
'50gms!'...'100gms!'...'125gms'
... the students answered.

"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing'... the students said.

"Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would began to ache' said one of the student.
'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to Hospital for sure!"
... ventured another student & all the students laughed.

"Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.
"No"... was the answer.

"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.

"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students.

"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before you go to sleep

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way.

So,
Remember to PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

Matt 11:28-30
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

It's time to LET GO... and LET GOD!!!

embarass

2009-02-19T00:30:00.002+08:00

have you ever read someone's blog... and feel like yours is total crap?
where every post has a significant meaning in it..
makes you think..
makes your heart pump faster..

LOL...

like i've said before, i've lost my initial purpose of blogging..

i'll get it back soon! and stop posting things which i feel.. *this should not be here* when i read them again...

hmmm.. but this is my blog.. for me to say what i feel like saying at the spur of the moment..
who cares... heeeeeeee =D

=)ing

2009-02-17T09:04:00.002+08:00

eh.. you guys don't think i'm trying very hard to smile leh pls...

it's not that i'm very upset now.. so i'm forcing myself to smile...

it's just that i realise i have a lot of things to do.. but i'm still happy.. so i feel that it's a bit weird..

i'm okay! i'm good! i'm great! i'm happy!
and that's why i'm smiling...

~~heeeeEEEE~~

*but a bit stress...

=)

2009-02-16T20:50:00.001+08:00

angeline smiles again =)
angeline smiles even though she has so much work to do =)
angeline decides to smile! =)

smiling makes you prettier!
heeeeeeee.....

overloaded

2009-02-15T21:45:00.002+08:00

i am tired... heeeeeee

3000 word assignment
final year project
CAPM project
ppt for presentation...

all by this week!!!

and.. i'm going out like i've never been before for a long time to get back some life...

all the best to angelinetanaanchi!

cheers...

somehow i miss broken earth shiraz.... lol

kfc

2009-02-12T19:55:00.002+08:00

i should feel blessed for great friends...

izzati called kfc delivery for me...

my 2 piece original chicken meal
+
popcorn chicken
+
pineapple pie

as she guessed i din have my lunch...

thank God for friends who care.... =) especially when home is far away

tired

2009-02-12T15:45:00.003+08:00

today i wake up feeling tired...
it's lunch time... who should i eat with?
i'm tired of looking for ppl to eat with me...
i'm tired of msging ppl 1 by 1 and see who's free...
i don't even feel like eating...
i'm just eating for the sake of eating...
when did eating become such a chore...
what more canteen food really sucks...
ahhhh...
i'll go to the supermarket this weekend and stock up some good food!
then..
1. i don't need to look for ppl to eat (not that i mind eating alone.. but it's a form of encouragement to eat.. lol)
2. i don't need to eat yucky food...
3. i can grow fat!

i am tired of looking for ppl to go out... so that i don't stay in my pink room all day...
this statement is an irony however... cos (you'll understand if you're suppose to)

i am just being random... bye bye

explore.dream.discover.

2009-02-11T17:00:00.002+08:00

"Twenty years from now you will
be more disappointed by the things that
you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

there's no point doing things too right all the time...
doing some wrong things that won't ruin your life should be fine...
do something that i can talk about when i grow old...
or not i'll be plain boring angeline...

the photos!!

2009-02-10T21:15:00.004+08:00

.
here's the card
.

.
the flowers
.
.
the cake
.
.
my fav suckling pig
.
.
at the restaurant
.
.
at the cafe
.
.
the bday mummy
.
the best mummy in the whole wide world!!!

7th february 2009

2009-02-10T13:25:00.003+08:00

530: alight from the bus.. catch a taxi home (7 minutes walk away.. lol - RM10)
600: Foh San dim sum
700: so sleepy after travelling.. set 9am alarm clock.. zzzzZZ
900: off alarm clock n continue slping...
920: miki scolded us in her dreams.. and i woke up...
930: yee + li arrived from kl! :) discussion starts...
945: look for a place for spa... + called overseas restaurant for dinner booking and suckling pig
1015: at syuen hotel... only man's spa??? hmm...
1030: Adeline's... great... we manage to get a 2pm booking..
1045: buy bus ticket back to sg for 8/2/09 11pm
1100: home... (suddenly travelling in ipoh takes so long.. cos they block jln gopeng... who in the right mind will do tt?)
discussion.. discussion... look for chocolate cake recipe...
1220: come on it's time to leave home for lunch... *hungry* miki keeps weighing the flour... and others also dilydaly
1240: finally leave home.. u have no idea how jam it was!! we reach regina florist at 1305 and we are suppose to be home by 1320 to take mummy to spa...
1305: no flowers left in regina's
1325: reach home... no lunch.. no flowers...
1345: me, miki & xy go with mummy to spa while yee & li bakes cake and makes card...
1400: reach spa...
1415: too hungry.. nearest coffee shop eat wanton mee...
1430: look for florist...
1445: yay! cherish florist... nice flowers...
1500: time to leave the florist and look for the one and only ocbc bank in ipoh..
1515: ocbc.....
1530: yee is hungry at home... go kfc buy whipped potato for her...
1545: after putting petrol (cos the low fuel light is on) reach home... li is still trying to decorate the cake.. and yee is half done with the card...
1600: oh gosh.. it's time to pick up the flowers and pick mummy up!!!
1615: reach cherish florist... put the flowers in the boot
1630: reach adeline's to pick mummy up! we're on time... phew
1645: reach home... mummy went to rest... and we wash up + the final touch of the card..
1745: leave for overseas restaurant... and eat.. my fav suckling pig... mummy refuse to order shark fin soup though..
1915: on our way to maria's cafe... open a bottle of red wine... and the kitchen staff and floor staff gave mummy another two bottles of red wine.. :)
2000: li & i pretend to go somewhere.. and rush home to pick up the cake (li thinks the decor is not good enough.. and sprinkle some more stuff)... while i was looking for the card tt miki hid and took the bouquet...
2030: reach cafe... enter from the back... play happy birthday song.. and present mummy the cake, card and bouquet.. :) took lots of photos... (it's with yee.. if i ever get it i'll upload them)

and we stayed there and chit chat till the shop closes... meanwhile.. there was a 10 minute or was it a 15 minute long fireworks opposite (it just felt like neverending)... beautiful!!!

a tired day.. busy day... working within 15 minutes limit for everything... but it was a fantastic day... all that matters is mummy is indeed very happy on her birthday!!

thanx to aanli who decided to sms us "do you all want to come home this weekend?"
at the expense of my actuarial stats test this week though... i'm so going to fail!!!

mad

2009-02-10T03:37:00.003+08:00

Dear Person, You are MAD.
But I mean that in a nice way.

i.e. You are NICE mad, not
SCARY mad. SCARY mad
would not be good. Oh god,
please don't go SCARY
MAD

roadkill

2009-02-04T15:56:00.003+08:00

i thought this is a very cute piece of art work...
guess what is it?

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she used stuff crushed by cars... to make cars...

those stuff are given second chances... :)

more...

contemporary artists are really creative...

cards

2009-02-03T18:00:00.000+08:00

i've got a card from UK
a postcard from US
yay!!! :)

any coming from china? lol...

busy life

2009-02-02T14:13:00.004+08:00

for me.. university life has been rather like a flop..
i wanted to take a rest... free from activities...
sit down.. chit chat all night long... hang out with friends...

i have decided that a busy life is what i need to make life more meaningful...
being involve in many, many things...
hardly enough time to study...
that's what i need to succeed...
not plenty of time... and wasting it away...

or rather.. a busy life give you less time to think of stupid things...
and then.. i'll be happier...

Quote of the day:
"We're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are."
-Piano Playing Lady, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button-
*copied from tiang lim's blog*

i guess it really makes sense... oh, but it's too late after losing them... too bad.. :P haha..

but all endings are also beginnings. we just don't know it at the time...

spinning

2009-01-31T22:16:00.002+08:00

life is not only about yourself...
when you get too involve with your own feelings...
and you don't care about anything around you...
you don't care about what you need and must do...

remember that the earth does not stop spinning to wait for you...
it keeps spinning and spinning...

even if you don't start looking for a job,
graduation day will come...

even if you don't start looking for a house,
the day will come when they kick you out of hostel...

even if you don't start studying,
exams will come...

nothing stops to wait for you to recover...

lets go and get things done!

new year

2009-01-25T20:35:00.002+08:00

yet again another case of hospital visiting during the festive season..
and then funeral during festive season...

2004 - christmas
2005 - birthday
2007 - after new year
2008 - too many to name
2009 - CNY

bravo!

envy

2009-01-19T11:09:00.002+08:00

aan chi is currently overloaded with work eventhough she tries to share it with angeline...
clone me!!!

just read tiang lim's blog... look at chun kiang's facebook pictures..
i'm envious... why am i in singapore?

i need to leave this place for a while.. to breathe some fresh air and have a new start in life...
things are becoming very mundane...
life is becoming final year project and actuarial statistics...
of course there still exist the occasional laughter and smiles...
but this should not be all...

there use to be this natural motivation in me... but it's gone
alright... i shouldn't be talking about it...
i should go and find it and get things done...
NOW

*searching.. searching..*

a new year

2009-01-13T03:53:00.002+08:00

i'm now back in singapore...
i should blog, rite? lol...
it's a new year...
time for things to get better...

time to do fyp
time to study and catch up with some long lost module
time to teach tuition and earn money
time to study in starbucks with my new BFF
(wait.. my new year resolution is to drink less caffeine)
then we should study in Old Town White Coffee
(aiks... that won't work too)
*yeah.. they just open one branch in jurong point.. lol* now i can drink white coffee every day :P
time to live life the way i should
(how?!)

there are a few things that i really want to blog about... but i'll need time to construct them... and i wonder if i'll ever start on them... lol

and i wonder if ppl still read this blog

*bye*
happy new year! hopefully i'll blog more..... and update you guys on my life.. and the development of my brain

happy

2008-11-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

it's weird how i am in the midst of my exams...
and i am feeling really happy...

it all started when i come out of my hole...
when i have to go and teach evan theory...
and then multiplication...
and then the morning prayers...

and then studying with zequan & zhichang
and my v good fren shuxian
and sherly who laughs.. while we irritate each other...
and when i could do the tutorial question that nobody could do
i mean.. since i step foot in singapore, how lack of confidence i am...
the world out there... so many smart people..
so what's the big deal of being once an ASEAN scholar

and you know how much my sis, miki loves me?
she treats me to such expensive food every weekend... with her tiny little pay...
the 2 things that makes me smile... food & money
i'm not so money minded.. but yeah..

i am one blessed girl...
i am one happy girl...

i totally lost the initial reason of blogging... *not good*

morning prayer

2008-11-06T21:21:00.003+08:00

This week we have daily morning prayer in church from 645-8am...
I didn't go on Monday, couldn't wake up... blek...
but I went on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... and God-willing tomorrow.. LOL

It is super cool... eventhough it's personal prayer time and not like pre-service or overnight prayer meeting where we pray together... but it's cool cos.. come on, it's 645 am.. this is not Ipoh.. you don't leave your house at 635am and still reach church on time... even that, look at the no. of ppl who will attend prayer meetings, what more MORNING prayer meetings..
this is Singapore...you wake up at 5 plus and catch the first train to church...
but i don't need tola.. cos jurong west church building is only one bus stop outside NTU...

look at the amount of ppl

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

tada!

from left to right

of course there are some people hiding behind the chairs (cos it's personal prayer time).. and from my place, I can only take half of the auditorium...you should see when they all stand up.. wow... *oops* I know i should be praying and not taking photo... but it's just too tempting to take some pictures... and I feel so disturbed until I finally took the photos (yay!)... I mean I'm quite fascinated..

PLUS...

this time, we open up 3 venues for morning prayer... and this is only one of them... hmmm... you fill in the rest yourself..

-always room for improvement-

being rich

2008-11-04T13:12:00.002+08:00

i guess i'll still blog... *keke*

Have you ever felt how it is like to be rich??

That day (A few months back), I was at KBox Function Room..
About 150 of us...
The event cost $3500
I paid for it... I pass the waiter my debit card..
the bill came and I signed... $1750 out of the bank (the other half already paid as deposit)..
the feeling of being able to sign and not feel a bit of pain is so...
*SHIOK*
as if you have an infinite pool of money...
imagine if you're able to sign a blank cheque to someone and ask him/her to fill it...
alright.. enough..

it's not my account, it's FOC(freshmen orientation camp)'s account..
as usual i'm the treasurer, i get to count tens of thousands of money... but i don't get to use them.. but i still feel happy seeing them...
LOL...
and it still feels good signing...

no harm dreaming... ppl have to dream once in a while..

hello

2008-11-03T17:30:00.004+08:00

ashley said she feels so emo and sad after reading my blog.. :(
i will write about happier things..
(edited: i read her blog, she thought a lot after reading my blog, not exactly emo and sad... in a way, thinking is good.. so i can continue... haha)

anyway, i will be updating less... till after my exams, 27/11/08
unless, i'm so sick of studying or i have something that i'm dying to say..

Happy Birthday ZeQuan!
Thanks for enduring the pain of.... being my friend... haha
No more FOC to see you...

NOT suicidal

2008-11-02T16:56:00.003+08:00

I think some of you thinks that I'm suicidal..
when i write about death..

Firstly, I am NOT suicidal!
and next,
death is really a topic that we all usually avoid..
(see.. once i write about it, some of you think that i'm going crazy)
many do not know what to say or say the wrong things when your close friend lose someone..
throughout this period of time, i'm just trying to overcome the fear of losing more people..
and i pen it down here.. sharing my thoughts.. and also the progress of overcoming this fear..

each and everyone of us has to face this, and has to find our very own way to overcome it...
this is my way...
and i hope that what i went through, will help others who will definitely face this problem whether now or in the near future...
it's a reality of life..

i finally decided to face it after 3-4 years?

di pintu syurga

2008-10-30T20:46:00.003+08:00

Di pintu syurga is a song that i really liked during my secondary school days. I didn't really understand the meaning, i just liked the tune.. :) but these few days when i listen to this song again after so long, i realise how meaningful it actually is.. let me show you the lyrics, i'll try my best to translate for the benefit of my non-malay-speaking friends *grin*

Sekukuh... sekukuh mana ikrar kasih kita
(No matter how strong our love pledge is)
Setebal mana masih ada sempadannya
(No matter how thick, there is still a boundary *aiks... my translation is lousy*)
Akan tiba nanti... harus ditempuhi
(Will reach later.. need to go through)
Apa daya kita melawan masa
(What strength do we have to fight time)

Takdirnya... takdirnya dunia hanya sementara
(Fated... fated that the world is only temporary)
Walau begitu cinta suci 'tuk selamanya
(Eventhough so, pure love is forever)
Ini realiti... hilang tak terganti
(This is reality... lost not replaceable)
Namun ku tahu kau dan aku akhirnya kembali bersatu
(But i know, you and I will come back together in the end)

*Chorus:
Andai daku pergi sebelummu
(If I go before you)
Kenangkanlah ku selalu di dalam doamu
(Remember me always in your prayers)
Kaulah cinta pertama dan terakhir untukku
(You're the first and last love for me)
Ku berjanji kan menantimu
(I promise to wait for you)
Setia menunggu di pintu syurga
(Faithfully waiting at heaven's gate)

Di sana... di sana menanti gemilang cinta
(Over there... over there waiting for dazzling/shining love)
Jadi lenyapkanlah titisan air mata
(So.. make your drops of tears disappear)
Tabahkanlah hati... mengharungi hari
(Strengthen your heart... go through each day)
Abadikanlah saat indah... kita kan tetap bersama
(Eternalise precious moments.... we will still be together)

Really, whether it's a boy girl relationship, parent child relationship.. or any relationship...
know that those whom you love, will be waiting for you at heaven's gate...
Strengthen your heart and go through each day...

Actually, having eternal life in a sinless world is indeed a blessing...
i can't imagine never seeing those people who left ever again...
i can't imagine them disappearing just like that...
they have to be somewhere...
and i would really love to live with them forever and ever...

Know that, they are not suffering anymore...
Only, we are the ones who are unfortunate not to have their service and love anymore...
But just for this short while... What is a 100 years compared to eternity... NOTHING!
When we reach eternity, heaven, everyone will be there again... happy :)
and that ends all our sufferings.. trials and tribulaions...

I guess this ends the episode of death...

Angeline

2008-10-28T17:05:00.001+08:00

Told you there's a song entitled Angeline by David Tao...
Play it yourself....

A promise

2008-10-28T01:49:00.002+08:00

As usual, I had a nightmare on Sat night, almost everyone died...
nvm.. it's a dream..

God promises:
Isa 25:8
He will swallow up death forever,
And the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces;
....

A fear I have to overcome... as long as I am on earth...
In eternity... =) everything will be fine...

Publish Post

Hakka Mee

2008-10-27T11:39:00.003+08:00

I want to go back to IPOH!!
I want to eat Hakka Mee for breakfast!!!
GIVE ME HAKKA MEE!!!
*stomach grumbles*
*mouth waters*
but no hakka mee for me :(
honey oats and milk will have to do :( :( :(

if you don't know what is that,
check out the Ipohtown website in one of my links..

i am one silly girl...

mY_miLeStoNes...

sponge

Sometimes when we touch

the pursuit for wealth

what is life?

inconvenient others

the truth

in His perfect timing

the energy

irobot

money & comfort

the next evolution

Family

grateful

history2

11th May

rat race

history

independent

balance is the key

proverbs vs eccl

your body's the limit

it's the women's world

changed perceptions

Others can, I can't

the perfect partner

one at a time

Opposite Attracts!

brilliance not put to good use

it was so close!

choosing memories

nomad

kor kor

guts vs responsibilities

2nd round of uncertainty

a mother's love

financial anxiety

mummy's bday

immediate reaction

my beloved msia

dreaming for financial stability

materialistic?

the one i love

behind the scenes

linguistic battle

irrational faithfulness

frog and lilypads

thanksgiving service

tomorrow

me (by shux)

change

last sunday

home

change

all settled

decisive leadership

a typical day

job interview

silent scream

stop thinking?

non smokers

back

last paper

erm....

audition

new image

what is life?

aiks

one day

my name

shallow angeline

Giving to God

turning point

restore new passion

Let Go

*embarass*

=)ing

=)

overloaded

kfc

embarass